Oh me oh my…
It has been ONE YEAR. It has been one whole year. And this has been the most magical year of my life.
God blessed me with a tiny human (my baby alien) that could not be any more amazing. Upon reflection I truly realize and notice what a miracle life is. What a miracle growing a life is. What a magical journey parenthood is. With ups and downs, with twists and turns, with joy and sorrow, with sacrifice and fulfilled sense of being.
I remember when; when the ultra sound revealed she was a SHE, when she was growing inside me and I would drink ice water to force her to kick, when I went through my food phases (cheese, bread, twix, falafel, jalapeno bagel sammies, tatter tots…), when I wondered what Avery was really going to look like, when I wondered if she would have all ten fingers and all ten toes, when I painted her room turquoise with her Auntie and cousin, when I picked a whole bunch of mismatching prints for her bedding and room furniture, when I felt the first contraction, when I got checked into the hospital after walking the halls for an hour, when I got the epidural, when I tried pushing for an hour, when the doc told me I was having a c-section and my heart broke, when they said she was nearly here during surgery, when I heard her first cry and my heart skipped a beat and when I held her for the first time so tiny and new, so vulnerable and strong.
And then the journey began… The first two months filled with many tears, even more fears and a period of bonding. When Avery first arrived I did not feel a connection, then I had a serious case of the baby blues, followed by extreme fears surrounding SIDS and a bought feeling like I had lost myself and determining the journey back to finding me. There were also those couple times when I wasn’t the best parent; feeding Avery room temp formula for the first two weeks (it is meant to be refrigerated), serving her concentrate that had not been diluted for our entire trip to Pennsylvania (no wonder she projectile vomited every night), that one time I turned my head and she fell off the bed… Oh the lessons I’ve learned.
As I write this my Doodle is laughing and playing, giggling and chattering. And I realize simply this – I am in love with her to the core of my being. I now know what unconditional, unwavering and parental love feels like. She is magical in the best ways possible. The way she giggles when I tickle her tummy, the way she looks at me when she is longing for my approval, the way she scrunches her nose and pretends to struggle to breathe, the way she chatters with herself, the little noises she makes that are all her own, the way she points her toes, the way she plays independently, the way she judges, the way she shies away from attention yet puts on a show with those she is comfortable with, the way she smiles and laughs at herself… she is the best gift I’ve ever been given and this journey has just begun.
Thank you Avery for making my life magical. Thank you for teaching me about strength, love, courage and faith.