Back in the saddle I am. Working through the parts of me that still challenge me. Sitting on the big, cozy brown couch and “talking”. The visit with my therapist was lovely. A catch-up session if you will. A moment in time where I slowed down to reflect. An hour of my life where I was reminded what is most important and who is most important. The break from therapy was needed. It was needed from a health perspective, like I said, I started feeling sicker than I am/was. I started believing that the worst parts of me were the truest parts of me and I stopped feeling hope around normal and happy. The break allowed me to put into action all that I had learned, to practice living healthy and normal for a period of time, it allowed me to live in the moment more than I had ever done previously. I am not certain if there truly is such thing as normal, but healthy is possible. Slowing down and taking the break also made happy possible. Both healthy and happy is imperative for any person to live an enjoyable life. And taking the break was taking care of myself.
As with all things, there is a need for routine and a need to revisit therapy. This time around the reasons aren’t the same. This time around the feelings or crazy and out of control aren’t the same. This time around I am not desperately trying to save myself or anyone else for that matter. This time around I am looking for tools to further improve on the person I am.
The conversation started off easily and quickly… Time to catch up. This is what has happened. This is where I am at. This is why I am here. We addressed all the reasons, people and feelings from the past therapy sessions. We discussed where I was in my progress. What I have been up to as of late. And most importantly, what am I trying to get out of these sessions that is different from past sessions. Who I am focusing on becoming from an emotional perspective was the primary topic post catch-up session. Therapy is no longer about understanding why I am the way I am, what events impacted me becoming this person and how can I heal from some childhood traumas. Therapy is now about discovering who I want to be and the best emotional practices to get me there.
Therapy was refreshing. It was refreshing from my emotional standpoint. I felt healthier. I felt more focused. I felt like I knew who I was and why I was me. I felt like I was stronger and happier as a result of this knowledge. And the best part, my therapist thought so too. She noticed the conviction in my communication. My focus on the important discoveries. My ability to think logically about what was impacting me. And my desire to finally focus my therapy on personal growth for me and Avery versus other people and how they impact me.
Two emotionally stable feet to stand on… they are under me. The strength and courage to grow and develop beyond who I currently am is within me. The choice to focus on my weaknesses versus trying to control others is present. This time around I am excited. It is no longer about rescuing myself, it is about thriving within myself.