Calling all Mommies
Moms, if you have a toddler daughter or son, toddler is the only requirement… But, if you have a sweet angelic pistol of a toddler daughter, I need your help. My sweet sweet Doodle is something of a pistol with me and only me. She is an angel in circumstances when the focus is entirely on her. She is an angel when she is in the company of others and I am not present. She is an angel at her dads home and when she is home alone with the Mr and his girls. She is an angel at school too. She is not an angel with me. I am not saying she is not sweet and good and loving, but she is terribly whiny and quite clingy.
I am not quite certain what to make of it. I make up she needs more undivided attention from me due to her ever changing schedule and multiple homes. I make up that I am the one she trusts most with all colors of her rainbow. I make up that she is a master manipulator and knows every one of my buttons and boy is she good at pushing them. But here is the thing, I am not one hundred percent certain why she is whiny with me. And furthermore, I struggle with the proper actions to take to change our dynamic. I fear ignoring her will create trauma. I worry a lack of time outs and discipline will do more harm than good. I fret that keeping her so busy all the time will prevent her from being comfortable with relaxing. I fret that not letting her exert all her energy creates my little whiny wild child.
It is such a conundrum… I know what is best. Healthy meals & snacks. Feeding her imagination, teaching her how to play independently & loving her fiercely. Providing her shelter, comfort and everything to cover her needs while also entertaining her wants. She is the center of my universe, but she also has to learn she does not make up my entire world. I want a healthy, happy daughter who knows that she is part of something bigger and grander. I want a happy, healthy daughter who gets her cup filled completely with love and attention while also understanding she cannot occupy any one persons entire life or exhaust all of their energy and love. I want a healthy, happy daughter who’s self esteem is built off of what she can do for herself, self esteem that is built off of being comfortable in her own skin, self esteem that thrives in both lazy and chaos.
But, about that whining… I know a couple of Avery’s triggers; hunger and sleepiness. Those however, do not explain the moments when the world is right. It does not explain the simplest moments when she is displeased with the way the world is working and just whines. I understand part of it is growing up and the toddler stage, however, any advice on the whining would be ever so helpful.
RebeccaCollier49July 7, 2013 at 3:37 am
Hi sister friend. While my baby is no toddler anymore (15 y/o), I know those days well. I too, had a toddler who had multiple loving homes with his mommy and daddy, but at times would act out in "God only knows why/what/who/how/when….". My advice to you: keep doing what you are doing! Love her, encourage her, keep her doors open to know she can do what/be who she wants to be and again…love her. Some of the best advice I was given when I was struggling with the multiple households and trying to diagnose each move he made, "He only knows this life. The one you gave him. He isn't living this life comparing it to his 'other' life with other parents at another time." It opened my eyes to realize that what we were giving him would shape him and get him through each "stage," good and bad, in his life. I think she probably breaks down with you as you are her "go to," her protector, her mom. No one will ever have be what you are to her and she knows that…and feels that. So tonight, I pray that you can know that Doodle showing her emotions to you is out of love and comfort and that you feel warmth knowing she is comfortable sharing with you these emotions. Stay strong and support her. Lots of hugs and encouragement for Doodle. You all will be okay – no, you'll be great! I know it.