I am a gal and as such I get very emotionally involved in the planning of “things” in my life. I dream about them for a long time, thinking up great little thoughts, mapping out great little plans and tying up all the loose ends with a very symmetrical bow. When I plan, I plan for every last detail; what my nails should look like, every outfit needed for what and for when, music that should become an anthem to the event, who should be involved, where should it be, why should it be there. Every last nook and cranny of my brain is filled with details. If you are one who knows me, you know sometimes getting that which is in my brain out and mapping it out as I have it pictured, is a struggle for me. Ensuring the vision of the perfect vacation, day trip, adventure, etc., is exactly how I imagine it, well that’s where I get hung up. And rightly so, nothing is ever exactly how one imagines it. I also have the ability to let it go and often times go with the flow. This sometimes prevents me from seeing out my entire vision. Oh, what a conundrum. Yes, this is going somewhere… you see, the energy I spend on getting to the event, it is a fun and consuming and enjoyable energy that helps fill my “I’m a planner” happy cup. Happy gulp one.
Inevitably, I must always move to the event phase. The phase in which I am living in the moment. The moment where all the worry and all the chaos inside my head exits and I just give myself permission to live in it. If it is a party, you can bet I will be a bit prissy and certainly have moments of becoming a completely bossy b*@#$. If I am traveling there will be moments of anxiety racing to the airport and checking into the hotel. You get the jist, I am neurotic and with all greatly planned for events, the chaos in one’s head must somehow come out and mine often does in an ugly way. That being said, once I get that ugly out, once I relax into the moment and once the adventure is in full swing… I am 100% in the moment. I soak up every experience as if it was a first and I drink up every sight and sound. Living and loving and laughing. Feeding off of every drop, everything magical and good, capturing every moment in the movie montage that plays in my head and documenting through pictures what this moment means to me. There is always excitement that I enjoy while living through these moments, there is always time for one more drink, one more minute of conversation, just another bite. Indulgence and fulfillment are on high alert and the moments are magical. The energy in these moments is the one which I experience just how blessed my life is. Happy gulp two.
Now enter, after all those gulps, happiness hangover… Every magical, wonderfully planned moment, must at some point come to an end. And when it does, what most would call depression is when my “happiness hangover” kicks in. As a 20 something this was probably truly depression, my highs were high and my lows were low. As I grow up, as I learn more about myself, as I develop awareness as to who I am and why I am the way I am… this depression has turned into a happiness hangover. All the commotion is over, all the planning complete, all the ideas have played out in reality and now, it’s back to “real life” as we know it. I now have the ability to embrace my happiness hangover. It is an indicator that something truly magical and incredible has happened in my life. It is an indicator that the great interplays with the normal, that the bad days are buffered by incredible moments and that there is always something to look forward to around the next corner.
I choose to allow myself to get emotionally attached to my planning. I choose to allow myself to obsess over every little detail. I choose to fill the nooks and crannies in my head with all the magic. I choose to live in the moment drinking up every last drop. I choose to be a sentimental sap with heart strings attached to all my life events. I choose this happiness hangover and I am a-ok with that. Now that I am more aware, more in tune with me, it’s not even a hangover as much as a transition back into reality. And quite frankly, I love the way my mind works, weird and wild as it may be, it is pretty cool. It fills with love, gratitude, happiness and memories. To have a mind full of memories and a heart full of love, I’ll take the happiness hangover every day.
This past weekend was epic and as a result the happiness hangover was gearing up, it never amounted to much, when all the dust settled I walked into Target with my husband… Husbands and Target make everything better.
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