Melanie Jeanne

Battle of the Bulge

My life is a battle of the bulge and the bulge always wins. Now hush, I know you see something more grand and far more fit than my two eyes peep at, but I am not fretting over exhausting all my energy to lose 10 pounds. I am however fretting over a healthy lifestyle, fretting over choosing the more healthy option more often than not, I am fretting over choosing a jog over a blue cheese burger.

And friends, I must say, I am fighting a losing battle. I wake and I long for a good long run, a run where I fall into sync with the music and I lose myself to the pavement and the rythm. Thinking only for a bit about getting through this moment, feeling foot fall after foot fall and not worrying about a single other thing in life. During the lunch hour I crave a yoga or spin class, moments to get lost between four walls of a gym studio. Feeling my muscles stretch and strain, breathing through pain and upon completion feeling rejuvenated.

But, you see, that all sounds incredible in theory. And in theory, as with real life, it would be incredible if I ensured it happened, someday maybe even on a regular basis. But, in my real life, it just doesn’t. It doesn’t happen for a myriad of reasons, the bottom line being that I do not make it a priority. The bottom line being that the mystical mental belief I have in regard to just how strong I am through a jog or bendy through a yoga class, in no shape way or form depicts my reality. Working out is hard for me. I am naturally athletic in that my body easily learns what it is meant to do and can easily do it, I am not naturally athletic from a mind over matter perspective. I am not persistent, consistent or able to truly let go a be in the moment during a workout. And so, as life often does, the battle of the bulge sways towards the bulge. It is less work eating the burger, enjoying the glass of wine, resting in front of the TV with my family. It is easier to snuggle and cuddle and read. To online shop, write a blog or even, gasp, do the dishes.

I am ashamed to say it… I am a peeper on an athletic lifestyle. I want more than anything to be a consistently fit gal. I want more than anything to show my girls the physical changes that can occur from eating healthy and being physical consistently. I want more than anything to carry this fit body well into my thirties and beyond into my forties. I want more than anything to maintain a fit body for my husband. I want more than anything, just once, to choose the jog over the blue cheese burger.

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