|[photo credit: your homebased mom]|
I care too much. There I said it. I care far too much. And my caring often leads to rigid beliefs, frustrated communication, failed attempts to fulfill my intentions and anger for all parties involved. That being said, it all stems from a place of the best intentions and the most love available. And so, in order to remain sane and frankly to not create chaos with the ones I love, I am letting it all go.
There are times in this blending of families that are truly beautiful and as with everything there are times that are painful, hard and pretty darn rotten. It is the nature of bringing a whole bunch of individuals who never planned for their paths to cross, into a family where the rules and ways of being are challenged and questioned and opposed. Blending of families is the most beautiful and fulfilling decision I have ever made. The love I feel for my Mr, the love I feel for his ladies, the love they feel for the Doodle, it really is incredible. But, often little hearts and little minds have a way of carrying hurt far beyond moments and well beyond reality. As a result we have our challenges just like every other family.
Being a bonus mom may be the absolute hardest thing I have ever done. It is hard because I care so much. It is hard because I love so deeply. It is hard because I am formulating my parenting opinions and developing my beliefs in the here and now (Doodle is only four, while my bonus babes are fifteen and thirteen). It is hard because I want to impact their lives positively. It is hard because I am powerless. My bonus babes are ever so blessed to have two active parents, a step-mom simply cramps that style and the routines and structure that were already created. And sometimes I don’t agree with what is and challenge what could be. As a result, my opinions create friction within my home.
To prevent any more tension and friction with those I love most I have decided to let it all go. Instead of trying to force my opinion into being, I am going to live my opinions out loud. Instead of creating rules and regulations within my home that are in conflict with what is common for my blendeds, I am going to be the change I want to see in all my girls.
I am supremely blessed to have an incredible Mr and three amazing ladies to call my family. It is time for me to let go of my rigid beliefs and let them all be their authentic selves. I will love deeply and portray the woman that I think emulates love, kindness and beauty. Lessons learned through set examples versus rules and rigid regulations may just be the most impactful lessons learned.