Melanie Jeanne

I’ve Lived So Much Life

I graduated high school early summer of 2000. No, that wasn’t that long ago after all. In fact, I still feel like quite a baby, young at heart and forever playful. I still feel like that dorky vibrant girl who was never quite in the “popular crowd”, always just on the out skirts of cool. The girl who seemed to know everyone, but really only belonged with a select few. The young excited, ready to go, girl who just knew life would be grand.

Fast forward sixteen years and my, I have lived so much life.

There have been incredible moments; graduation, my first job as an earls girl, another graduation, interning at KPHO Channel 5 News, my first career, my first house, my first dog, then my second dog, my first husband, my first baby, then my second husband and my bonus babes, our first house… And the list goes on. Sixteen years of jobs and moments and memories and vacations and ideas and goals and dreams.

Along with all of the incredible came a lot of heart ache too. Near fatal car accident, cancer, an economic down-turn, layoffs, a difficult pregnancy, divorce, the short sale of a house, starting over, blending families, parents moving across the country, new financial beginnings. The heart ache list is long too. It may be even longer.

Man, have I lived… It’s been living in the sense of days passing and goals getting accomplished and dreams crashing down and dreams coming true. It’s been living wonderfully and brightly and wildly. It’s been living out loud and excited and dreaming. It’s been crying and fearful and authentic too.

Today feels like the first day I have really popped my head up to breathe and reflect in sixteen years. I mean, in all reality, I have lived in every moment, chasing every dream. But, it’s not often I just stop, reflect and wonder how the heck did I get here? Ask the why questions and actually allow myself the time to answer.

Time feels like it is flying now. My life is rapidly turning into a blur of events and moments and memories. Days seem like hours, weeks like days, months like weeks and years like months. Everything seems to be flying by. In the blink of an eye it’s been sixteen years since I graduated high school, since I threw the cap in the air, since my heart was racing with wild abandon and excitement and joy. Since my biggest worry was not tripping as they called my name to cross the stage, since that night where we all got locked into the school and played and danced and hung out together, all of us, for one last night.

I realize all I have been doing and all I want to be when I grow up has been guiding me to this point. Life’s little miracles and God’s greatest blessings have all been pushing me towards this moment. All of this getting me to this point where I recognize WHO I am and WHY I am here.

I finally stopped looking to accomplish the next benchmark in life. I have finally stopped chasing dreams of accomplishment. I have finally stopped worrying and wondering what next. I am finally slowing down to live right here and right now. I am finally slowing down to breathe in my accomplishments, breathe out my failures and enjoy what has been a wildly delicious ride thus far.

For the past year I have been guided by faith and focus to this point, this point in which I stop chasing and simply start living. I have lived so much life so far and there is so much yet to live.

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