Melanie Jeanne

Tethered to My Heart

Your heart is tethered to mine. It has been since November 6, 2009.

Since the day I found out you were in my tummy, your heart has literally and figuratively been tethered to my own. On that sweet Friday morning when I found out you would grace my life, I never thought through what that tether would feel like nearly 8 years later.

Eight years later, a million tears later and the weight of what that tether means hit hard like a brick the other day. You have been struggling lately. You have been wearing your heart on your sleeve. I can hardly blame you. Your papa died just a few short months ago. Your bond was undeniable. Your grandma left this past Saturday, putting an end to her snowbird season. Your bond is undeniable. You have experienced major loss in these past few months. I understand the fear you must be feeling.

I am grateful you are feeling. I am grateful you are experiencing what it means to feel these feels. I want you to love so deeply that loss hurts. I want you to care so lovingly that people matter. I want you to open your heart and your world to being close to others and experience connection because of others. I want you to bend, not break, because of these relationships.

I wish I could shelter you from this pain, but the reality is, I want you to love and lose, to be close and feel pain, because I want you to feel and realize the undeniable truth, that our relationships are what make our lives matter. I don’t want you to be closed off and cold and fear connection simply so you don’t feel loss and pain. Connections to others that have a heart like yours are the most incredible relationships you will ever carry with you. So. feel the pain. Hurt and feel and be sad and be angry and struggle, because love and relationships are so worth all the feels.

My tether to you has been undeniable these past few weeks. How I speak, what I speak, how I carry myself. How I feel and what I feel, it all impacts you. Your mommy has rarely let you see my sad heartache. Your mommy has held it together and put a brave face on. But, maybe what you need most is mommy to crumble and to feel. Your heart is tethered to mine and I have never been more aware of just how valuable that connection is. How we speak. How we slow down to feel. How we love. How we treat one another.

I love you little one and I will forever honor the tethered bond we share. From my heart to yours, lets feel all the feels. Because the sad is real, but the love is really real too.

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