Melanie Jeanne

See Ya Later Alligator

Done. Finished. Good Bye Felicia.

I am more than ready to put 2017 to bed. To launch a new year.

2017 was grey. Filled will all the shades of grey. It was a big year filled with so much good, yet the hard things that happened overwhelmed the good. I lost my ability to see the good in much. I had a hard time feeling the happy that naturally comes my way. I was agitated more, less tolerant and far more negative than years past.

Oh, there was so much good though. So, so much good. Good that I have dreamed about for some time. However, I can say without a shadow of doubt, this is the first time in my life time that I am ready to put an entire year to bed.

I have a laundry list of the things that were just a bit off. My health – it’s been mediocre at best. Sure, I ran a lot, stayed consistent with workouts and physically moved all the time, but my actual internal health, my thyroid disease, my mental space, not so good. Grief – my dad died last January. January 18, 2017. Frankly, since that day, everything has just been grey. My mood. Experiences. Everything. My grief has had a grip on me at a level that I am not used to feeling. Zoe died – that didn’t help. I think about both her and my dad every single day. My marriage – has had its rounds of challenges as all marriages do, but my emotional capacity to handle normal challenges was lower due to the grip grief had on me. Career – I went through what can only be described as my mid-life-crisis. Quitting a job where I loved the people immensely, joining a team as I thought the career path grass was greener, leaving that as I realized it isn’t always greener and then ultimately launching my own interior design company. Whoa… It’s been a lot to mentally wrap my head around.

I needed the time to feel. I needed the time to grieve. I needed the time to sort out who I want to be when I grow up.

There are no words to express how much I miss my dad and my best girl/pup Zoe. I miss working with people I love everyday. I miss the camaraderie and adult interaction. And though I miss a lot, there’s much I do not miss. I do not miss worrying about my dads health every day. I do not miss seeing y dad in constant pain. I do not miss running late, stressing over meetings and fearing I am not good enough. I do not miss missing out on Doodle’s life.

I know I am on my right path, but the journey to get here has not been without emotion or fear.

It is now time to live as my dad would expect. To allow the grey clouds to clear. To allow the dark to turn into light. To lift my head and focus on the good in my life. I am ready to get back to living life to the fullest, happiest and healthiest version possible.

Good bye 2017, I’m ready for ya 2018.

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