Today marks 1 year. 1 year since you became our heavenly hero. 1 year since you stopped feeling pain. 1 year since we’ve talked and laughed and since I’ve had the ability to seek fatherly advice.

In that year I’ve stumbled a few times. Missing you so deeply and questioning God and heaven as a result at times. In this past year more days were grey, sad, darker than years past. This past year has proven that you really were the one I turned to for advice. I tell mom everything and that hasn’t changed, but when things got tough, it was you I sought for insight on how to make it through.

This past year I’ve watched mom become so independent and capable. I’ve talked to her nearly everyday, hearing what plans she has had and getting details on what project she was taking on next. I’ve seen her pick up the pieces and manage the aspects of life you handled with grace and ease. I’ve heard her sadness on days when she was missing you, but I’ve also heard her strength. You would be so very proud of her. 

Today we chose to honor you and create a beautiful morning rather than be sad about what today marks. Today we are choosing to create beauty and happy memories in your honor. Both of us have seemingly grieved for the past year and feel that today is the day we are allowed to let that grief lift a bit and live more vibrantly and with more happiness. We were both waiting for today, for similar and yet totally different reasons.

This morning we woke before the sun as you did. We hopped in the car with warm coffee as you started every work day. We drove and we drove and we drove. We sought out a mountain and a sunrise to live in your spirit today and experience your favorite time of day. We trudged up the mountain (mom white knuckling all the way up). We sat in the cool crisp morning air and watched the sunrise through the mountains. Then we released some of your ashes at sunrise, in the mountains. As God does he timed everything perfectly, we noticed we released your ashes at the of your death last year.

We released sadness and fear. We released tension and worry. And we took deep cleansing breaths as we allowed ourselves to open up to new opportunities and possibilities. We are ready to live as wonderfully as you would want.

Know this, we miss you always and we love you and know you are with us.